Ok, so after confirming my mania in a chat with Ellie, I have decided to pose this question to the group:

I received a friend request on facebook from this mysterious vixen about a month ago, and accepted only after seeing that I had HUNDREDS of friends in common with her, most notably: ALL OF YOU. Thinking that I was crazy for not remembering someone clearly so connected and such an integral part of my life and those of my friends, I began to create memories of her in my head. Like the time she forgot all of her drawing supplies in Jean Shin’s foundation drawing class and used an extinguished cigarette as charcoal. Or the time that she brought in cookies for everyone in Stabile Hall, even though it was HER birthday. Thats just the kind of girl Ashely is. In my mind.

That is until it was confirmed by several people that they accepted her request for exactly the same reasons, and do not have a clue who this girl is.

Now this next part may seem mean-spirited, but I can’t help myself.

Some excellent quotes from her facebook page:

About Me: I’m Ashley. I’ve been told that i’m super quirky at times. I prone to mood swings. I have a big spastic personality that everyone likes (or so i’m told). I absolutely suck at making plans so i just go with the flow. I sing along with songs. I find humor in awkward situations. Any form of hate sent towards me, only enhances my humoristic [YES. HUMORISTIC] conciet. I’m well aware that not everyone is going to like me. I avoid jealousy & insecurity, as well as I simply just dont get embarrased about anything. I am a sea of colorful emotions, so i suggest you dive right in!

Part of me feels bad for doing this. As Lizi once put it,”[Ashley is]one of those people I could NEVER forget. I don’t think everyone is unique, different yes, but not “unique”. You’re one of those I could recognise in the middle of Manhattan…even if I were ‘deleted.'” How could I, and all of you not remember such a fantastic and beautiful character? Why is the world so cruel? Why am I so heavily addicted to facebook that this caused me stress and that I felt it necessary to write this article?

Jesus Christ. I’m done. If any of you have any information leading to the recovery of ANY facts about our connection to this girl please reply to this post or call (202) SAD-FART. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.


18 responses to “WHO ARE YOU??????

  1. She never friended me 😦

    Ashley, if you’re reading this, friend me, so I can wonder who you are too, ok? thx.

  2. Pingback: _dreams » Blog Archive » Facebook Phenomena: Ashley Keller

  3. this story is so embarrassing and weird
    imagine trying to explain this debacle to your grandparents

  4. Michala and I did the same thing and got the EXACT SAME response, except mine was obviously addressed to me. I saw her pictures and have no idea who she is, so I sent “don’t remember meeting you.” weird. I thought if she’s honest enough to send that response, then she can stay my friend… Whatever trying to prevent suicides from happening

  5. awww, Im sorry to be such a wet blanket on all of this! dont let it change you. my apologies 🙂

  6. I feel morally obligated to leave my new favorite FB group now… but it probably won’t happen.

  7. she friended me too about a month ago and i was like WHAT THE HELL? after i saw how many people we had in common at pratt. but me being an anti social at Pratt – i figured we never met and she was just a stalker and i declined her friend request – then i saw on everyone’s walls that they friended her….WIERD. happy i never friended, i don’t want a rando stalking me!

  8. I vote to delete mmonroe’s post (no offense MM) and continue on as if we never knew this information.

  9. well, crap.

  10. i got the request, messaged her and waited a few days… this is the response I got:
    “Hi Michala,

    Oh this has been a huge faux pas on my part! I feel like a idiot saying this but, as it turns out that I did the stupidest thing the other day. While going through the suggested friends section I accidentally hit invite all and ended up sending out a blanket invite to a lot of people. I guess you were one of many to receive that request from me. Please accept my apologies for the random add. It really was an honest mistake

    Have a great day,

    Ashley ”

    so… now i feel bad, is she real? im guessing yes…?

  11. I denied that Biatch! If I don’t know who you are, you’re no friend of mine. Who posted this anyway, cause I dig it?

    Collin- I joined that group immediately.

  12. I just created a group called “Who are you, Ashley Keller?” I invited most of you.

  13. Do we dare unfriend her enmasse? Or are we all happier with her in our lives and with one more friend in that magical number that tells others how cool we are?

  14. As one of her interests is : “anything and Everything around me or far away”, i have decided she must be an alien. Because she’s interested in everything single thing in the entire world, and potentially space and even beyond. ASHLEY YOU ARE SO VAST WHO ARE YOU??

  15. WHO IS SHE?!?! I have been wondering for weeks now. Henry fucking called me in Texas to ask me who she was. He was like “I saw you were friends with her and wanted to know who she was.” I think she’s a fake person. A cruel joke… or maybe she’s like that chick who kills herself in Rules of Attraction. Always in the background.

  16. I was on the verge of posting “who the hell are you” to her facebook wall, with the idea that all of our [hundreds of] mutual friends would follow the link on newsfeed with the glimmer of hope that I could solve the mystery by connection. Alas I chickened out. BUT, Andrew, you have inspired me. Thank you for pulling me out of my socially-self-doubting mind and clarifying that, in fact, no one knows this enigma.

  17. duuuude i know. i accepted the friendship because i was sure i had just forgotten who she was. who is this bitch!

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